Ask The Doctor
ERGObaby carrier > Ask The Doctor > Attachment Parenting > Managing a toddler and a baby at nightManaging a toddler and a baby at night
Dear Dr. Markel,
I have a 3 and a half year old little boy and a 6month old little boy. The 3.5 year old was breastfed until he was 2.5 and slept in our bed until he was 2. Since then, he sleeps in his own bed until somewhere between 2 am and 6am and then stumbles into our bed. Until we had the new baby, this was fine. now however, I would like him to stay in his own bed and not wake up in the night. For the past month he has been waking up several times a night and coming into our room. We either walk him back into his room and wait for him to go back to sleep or my husband or i get in bed with him and go to sleep, or he sleeps in our bed. For me, as i am already awake many times in the night to feed the baby, this is too much. We have tried rewards, threats and all sorts of thing to try and let us all get more sleep. What would you suggest to help the situation? Why do you think he's getting up so often? Thanks for your help!
Dear Sleepless,
Getting enough sleep is one of the most challenging issues for parents of young children. There is no correct answer to this situation, because every family is different and has to sort these things out in the best way possible to meet the needs of the various family members. If the goal is to get the 3 and a 1/2 year old boy to stay in his own bed, then consistency is the key. You have tried various methods (as you say, rewards, threats and all sorts of things) so that only teaches your son that you are not going to follow through.
In general, praise is better than criticism in any situation, so firmly and consistently insisting that night-time is for sleeping and his own bed is where he has to sleep will eventually work if that is what you are trying to achieve. If so, it would be important to keep his room completely dark so that he is not aware of waking up in the night. Most parents leave a night-light on but that is actually counterproductive. Another solution for your son would be to just have a family bed or his bed next to yours so that he feels connected during the night, in which case he might sleep better and so would you. It is a matter of having a plan and sticking to it.
Good luck.
Susan Markel, M.D.
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Dr. Susan Markel, MD, is a Board Certified Pediatrician, and Attachment Parenting Advisor. She is also the author of, "Ask The Doctor," in partnership with ERGObaby.
If you have additional questions, please feel free to visit her website at http://www.AttachmentParentingDoctor.com and request a private consultation.
