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ERGObaby carrier > Ask The Doctor > Sleep > My 16-month-old son is still not sleeping through the nightMy 16-month-old son is still not sleeping through the night
Dear Dr. Markel,
My 16-month-old son is still not sleeping through the night. I've established a bedtime routine, which we follow each night even if it's off by a minute or two, and it's helped with bedtime, but not with his sleeping. He gets up 2-6 times each night, and while he doesn't night-nurse anymore, he still wants to be held and/or
rocked. And if that doesn't work, he wants to sleep with me. He's such a restless sleeper that I don't get any more sleep than I do when he sleeps in his crib.
I feel like I'm losing my mind because I'm so sleep-deprived, but nothing has worked. I'm dead set against the Let-them-cry method, not only because we have a common wall with our neighbors, but because that's just not the kind of parent I aspire to be. On the flip side, I'M EXHAUSTED and don't know what else to do, especially since he consistently naps for a couple hours each day.
I even tried a homeopath when my son was around 9 months old, but his remedies didn't make a difference.
Is there a such thing as a pediatric sleep specialist? Would we benefit from seeking and consulting one? I live in the San Francisco area and am open to new ideas.
My 16-month-old son is still not sleeping through the night. I've established a bedtime routine, which we follow each night even if it's off by a minute or two, and it's helped with bedtime, but not with his sleeping. He gets up 2-6 times each night, and while he doesn't night-nurse anymore, he still wants to be held and/or
rocked. And if that doesn't work, he wants to sleep with me. He's such a restless sleeper that I don't get any more sleep than I do when he sleeps in his crib.
I feel like I'm losing my mind because I'm so sleep-deprived, but nothing has worked. I'm dead set against the Let-them-cry method, not only because we have a common wall with our neighbors, but because that's just not the kind of parent I aspire to be. On the flip side, I'M EXHAUSTED and don't know what else to do, especially since he consistently naps for a couple hours each day.
I even tried a homeopath when my son was around 9 months old, but his remedies didn't make a difference.
Is there a such thing as a pediatric sleep specialist? Would we benefit from seeking and consulting one? I live in the San Francisco area and am open to new ideas.
Dear sleepless,
All babies normally wake up several times during the night. Usually they move around a bit, perhaps look about drowsily, and then fall back to sleep. If for some reason they have difficulty falling back to sleep, they may become upset and cry.
Difficulty falling back to sleep can have several causes. Sometimes the problem arises because the baby has never learned how to fall asleep on his own. Whatever you have done to help your baby fall asleep in the past, he may come to rely on that as a sleep-onset association. You find yourself having to do that same thing several times at night.
In other words, children learn to associate a certain sequence of events with falling asleep, such as being held, sung to, rocked, or nursed. Babies can become dependent on these learned routines and they can't fall asleep until they experience the accustomed sequence. When a parent always holds or rocks the baby until he is completely asleep, the baby develops a habit of having to be in a parent's arms before he can fall asleep. This is called sleep-onset association: The baby associates the feeling of being held with the process of falling to sleep. Without the holding, he simply can't fall asleep.
Part of their so-called "sleep onset association" might be being in a certain place. For example, if your son falls asleep with you in your bed he then can't fall back asleep in his crib in the middle of the night. Is there a reason that you cannot simply keep the baby in bed with you during this time? Many advocates of the family bed are strong believers that this is the best way to give babies the security that they crave and avoid sleep problems altogether.
In the case of a 16 month old, there is an element of separation anxiety. When he wakes up in the night, he knows that you must be nearby, so he wants to be comforted by you, to feel safe and secure. If you are anxious and exhausted, I suspect that these feelings are transmitted to the baby who then becomes anxious and upset.
The key to getting your baby to sleep might be to be less anxious yourself, to feel confident in your abilities as you approach the situation with firmness. Particularly if you keep the baby in bed with you, in a soothing voice you can let you baby know that you love him but that this is sleep time, that mommy is tired and that there will be no rocking but that you are together.
All babies normally wake up several times during the night. Usually they move around a bit, perhaps look about drowsily, and then fall back to sleep. If for some reason they have difficulty falling back to sleep, they may become upset and cry.
Difficulty falling back to sleep can have several causes. Sometimes the problem arises because the baby has never learned how to fall asleep on his own. Whatever you have done to help your baby fall asleep in the past, he may come to rely on that as a sleep-onset association. You find yourself having to do that same thing several times at night.
In other words, children learn to associate a certain sequence of events with falling asleep, such as being held, sung to, rocked, or nursed. Babies can become dependent on these learned routines and they can't fall asleep until they experience the accustomed sequence. When a parent always holds or rocks the baby until he is completely asleep, the baby develops a habit of having to be in a parent's arms before he can fall asleep. This is called sleep-onset association: The baby associates the feeling of being held with the process of falling to sleep. Without the holding, he simply can't fall asleep.
Part of their so-called "sleep onset association" might be being in a certain place. For example, if your son falls asleep with you in your bed he then can't fall back asleep in his crib in the middle of the night. Is there a reason that you cannot simply keep the baby in bed with you during this time? Many advocates of the family bed are strong believers that this is the best way to give babies the security that they crave and avoid sleep problems altogether.
In the case of a 16 month old, there is an element of separation anxiety. When he wakes up in the night, he knows that you must be nearby, so he wants to be comforted by you, to feel safe and secure. If you are anxious and exhausted, I suspect that these feelings are transmitted to the baby who then becomes anxious and upset.
The key to getting your baby to sleep might be to be less anxious yourself, to feel confident in your abilities as you approach the situation with firmness. Particularly if you keep the baby in bed with you, in a soothing voice you can let you baby know that you love him but that this is sleep time, that mommy is tired and that there will be no rocking but that you are together.
