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Attachment Parenting Question

Dr Merkel,

I have a 14 month old who is still breastfeed and we co sleep. For a few months, about 4-6months of age, she was sleeping almost though the night usually waking up usually only once after being asleep 6-8 hours and then sleeping about 4 more. Since she was 6 months she started waking up throughout the night every 2-5 hours and is still doing this.

The only think that I can think of that has changed aside from teething is we moved and when she was about 7 months I and purchased a new mattress. I don't know if that has something to do with it. The one we has before was like a board and the new one is much softer.

I am not comfortable with the pediatricians suggestion to let her cry it out and I don't see how it would work anyway with us co sleeping. Do you have any suggestions on how to help her sleep through the night? Or is this just a phase she is going through, if so when do children usually sleep through the night on their own? Also the only way she will go to sleep is if I lay down with her and breast feed her. Is it bad that the only way she goes to sleep for me (throughout the night and naps included) is to breastfeed her, should she be able to self sooth herself to sleep by now. If so what are some things I can do to help her with that. Also is there a recommended age for co sleeping, if so about what age should she have her own bed? Oh also is it ok that her only source of milk is my milk and she isn't offered any soy or cow's milk, she breastfeeds about 4 times a during the day and 3 or 5 times during the night depending on how often she wakes up.

Thank you,

Sleepless

Dear Sleepless,

Congratulations for being a wonderful mother who is responsive to her daughter's needs. Many advocates of the family bed are strong believers that this is the best way to give babies the security that they crave

All babies normally wale up several times during the night. It seems that your baby has never learned how to fall back to sleep on her own. Children learn to associate a certain sequence of events with falling asleep, such as being held, sung to, rocked, or nursed. Babies can become dependent on these learned routines and they can't fall asleep until they experience the accustomed sequence. If you have always held or rocked the baby until she is completely asleep, this has become a habit and she relies on that. You find yourself having to do that same thing several times at night.

In the case of a 14 month old, there is an element of separation anxiety. When she wakes up in the night, she knows that you must be nearby, so she wants to be comforted by you, to feel safe and secure..

At this age, the baby is old enough to understand your words, or at least your tone of voice.. In a firm but soothing voice you can let your baby know that you love her but that this is sleep time, that mommy is tired and that there will be no nursing but that you are together.

Breast milk is definitely the best food for your baby. At no time do infants or children need any other milk (cow or soy) as part of their diet.

Letting you baby cry it out, as you instinctively know, is not healthy. You will be teaching your baby that the world is a scary place and mother is not available to make it better.

You might want to try to encourage attachment to a transitional object, a lovey such as a soft blanket or stuffed toy, which the baby associated with being comforted by you. Eventually the security object becomes a substitute for mother and baby can calm herself.

Sincerely,

Dr. Merkel

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Attachment Parenting Question

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